Experience from leaving family and friends in my home country and dealing with frustrations as a first-time parent

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It’s funny how sometimes we spend so much time trying to convince and push ourselves to do something, but then we read or hear somewhere a phrase, a quote from a book, or maybe a thought we made up ourselves — and everything changes. Our perception and focus shift, and we find the right path forward.

It can happen with anything we are trying to achieve — to lose weight, do more exercise, wake up early, stop bad behavior or not think of some negative thought we’ve been having.

New knowledge and beliefs have helped me win against anxiety and…

It happened one day after she gave birth. My wife and son were still in the hospital. We were supposed to bring him home the day after. Thankfully it only lasted five minutes.

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The labour had been difficult. I’m not sure how so in comparison with other experiences. Nevertheless, we were exhausted (I mean, my wife was). Our son was born at 42 weeks, on the limit. It couldn’t pass the date. Hence the doctors induced the labour. Between the first contractions (which started before the induction appointment) and the actual delivery, it took more or less 48 hours.

At one point, the nurse broke the water, which didn’t help much. It only increased the pain. After trying and not dilating, my wife then opted to receive a hormone injection (oxytocin) and take…

Four ridiculously simple habit changes that are allowing me to be more productive

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I can’t wait to leave my daily, 9–5 job and have the full day to write. It’s a dream that’s not realizing soon, though. I have a five-year plan.

Every day, I scratch my head and think about ways to have more hours to write. I mean, how!? It’s not only writing but reading as well. For the past weeks or so, I’ve been managing to be more focused, and I want to share a few ridiculously simple changes I’ve applied to my routine.

The changes sound trivial, easy to apply, but sometimes it goes unnoticed. My main purpose in…

Fellow writers, is this normal?

Perhaps, I’m overreacting, and it’s the way it works in Medium. Nevertheless, I’m baffled by how one of my stories is infinitely better than any other one I’ve published.

At one point, it was getting me $5.00 ish per 100 views for almost 30 days in a row. Now the views have come down significantly, but it’s performing even better proportionally in terms of earnings.

Screenshot by author

The story is this one. I won’t hold you any longer.

It hasn’t gone viral or anything, I think. Definitely not in the order of 200K viralness. Much, much less than that. I’ve published it…

You don’t want to turn back

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Maybe it was the glass of wine I had a couple of minutes ago or just the mood I’m in today. But I’m feeling this sense of freedom that it’s hard to explain.

I can happily say it’s not for the money.

My love for writing and reading has been increasing, and more and more, it’s looking like a true hobby — a damn good one. I’m falling in love with the process, the learning, the followers and the overall Medium platform experience.

For the past months, I’ve been chasing publications. I’ve been taking a stupidly amount of hours to…

I want to understand my wife better.

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A constant argument with my wife is about who’s more tired. Don’t beat me just yet, (read) hear me out.

Sometimes our son wakes up in the middle of the night, and he takes a bit longer than usual to fall asleep again. Usually, I have to get up and walk with him in my arms until he sleeps. This can take from thirty minutes to two hours in total. Not like two hours straight non-stop, but still, my back hurts.

Another way that he sleeps is in my wife’s breast, with both lying in bed. He’s two and a…

Learn this to start building emotional intelligence and confidence

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I’m always impressed by my two-year-old son's ability to perceive mine or others’ feelings and immediately act off of them. Whether it is my impatience during meals or trying to get him to go in the potty, he can quickly sense my tension from a distance.

Compared to adults, children are more sensible, truthful, and whatever feeling you show will have a stronger and more direct impact on them. The good thing is, though — it includes love and compassion as well.

Humans are born with “automatic mimicry”. It’s a reflex we have to mimic someone else’s behavior — we…

Especially if you’re a parent

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As I see more and more clothes cropping up from everywhere around the house, I can’t imagine squeezing ironing into the routine. And it’s really not making up any difference to my well-being. Compare to other chores such as washing, cleaning and tidying up the place; it just doesn’t add that much value. Okay, fine — it feels nice to wear a crisp, well-ironed shirt; I like it. But is it a strong motivator? Nah, not for me. Particularly now in the pandemic that I don’t need to go to the office.

We let go off of it slowly. Before…

From birth to sleepless nights to sickness to doubts to fights and frustration. You deserve some love

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A human-being. This small, entirely dependent thing you have been taking care of for the first time. From birth to sleepless nights to sickness to doubts to fights and frustration. There isn’t a job like being a dad where you are given so much responsibility while being only a beginner. And yet, you’ve made it thus far well without hesitating any task. The instincts came alive. The worries about the right position to hold or how to change nappies, for example, went away quickly.

You did not feel instant love (whatever that is) and was surprised and even a bit…

What we’d do differently

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There were no accidents this week, can you believe it? After seven months and counting, we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. He’s more willing to go, and although he had regression before, we’re positive this time it will last longer (fingers crossed). We’ve got to give credit to the new staff at daycare as well. They are more patient and supportive than previous ones.

The purpose of this story is not to tell what’s right or wrong. It is only to describe our experience and share the two things we’d do differently next time…

Paulo Costeri

Full-time software engineer / husband / father of a two-year-old. I write about mental health, parenting and personal experiences in general. Twitter: @PCosteri

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